After the hectic whirl of the past few weeks – the launch of My Archipelago, the 60th Anniversary parties at The Castle – Louise and I decided to take a day out for a change of scenery and a spot of lunch.
I called up a smart West Country restaurant and the exchange went like this:
“Good morning! Can you do a table for two at 1.30 today?
“No problem,” came the reply from a flat, charmless voice fielding the most asinine phrase in restaurant-speak. “The name?” he asked.
“Chapman,” I replied.
“First name?” he asked mechanically. I could picture him staring blankly at his computer screen.
“Kit!”
“Allergies?”
“No! No allergies.”
“Dietary requirements?”
“No! No dietary requirements.”
“Special occasion?”
“No!”
“Telephone numbers?” I noted the plural and asked if one mobile number would do. It did.
Mercifully, that was it. Although I half expected him to demand my credit card details, email address and an injunction on the time we were permitted to occupy our table. Some places these days do just that.
As for me, I’m getting fed up with these ridiculous interrogations over a simple request for a table booking. These people are so dazzled by the demands of their computerized reservation systems, they are incapable of engaging their customers with any warmth and humanity.
The hospitality business is about welcome and creating a sense of anticipation and pleasure, not about ticking boxes on a screen.
Our lunch, by the way, was excellent and the staff could not have been sweeter. We just could have done without the silly preliminaries! And may I PLEASE ask the restaurant world to STOP saying “no problem!” It is so unbelievably naff!
Kit Chapman, proprietor of The Castle at Taunton & author of My Archipelago.